Broken Heart

This has ripped my heart apart...probably for a long, long time. Imagine, growing up feeling so lonely. Never openening up to anyone, never talking to anyone. Keeping your thoughts and feelings to yourself, and never getting close to anyone. Finally one day, you meet someone that you really connect with, even though you are terrified to get close and open up. But slowly over the years you do, and you form a great relationship. You two fall in love, and start a life together. He tells  you he will always love you, will always be here for you, and nothing will EVER change his mind. Well...my occasional pill use turned into a big habit, then an addiction. I didnt even care at the time..my dad had just died and I was feeling so much guilt and sadness. He noticed my addiction and got angry with me about it. After he got through my stubborness, I finally admitted to it. But I needed help. I needed someone to understand. I needed someone to be there for me. Instead of him helping me, he left me. I was so devastated. So heartbroken, depressed. He promised he would always love me, always be here, and nothing would change that. But in the end, he gave up on me. I wasn't worth it. If noone else cared, why should I? I had no hope, no motivation. He moved out and left me at our house. I couldn't stand to walk into that house after he left. The sadness and emptiness in my heart was much more than I could take. I would rather be dead than to live with that much sadness. So I got high after work everyday before I went home. It was the only way I could stand being there.  This was before I was using heroin. I was using roxies at the time (oxy). So I would snort about 10 roxy pills, and be happy. Then I could go home and get through the lonely night.  After he left...he kept getting in contact with me, telling me he missed me, and that maybe we could get back together and he wanted to work on things. He kept doing this and wanting to stay the night. Well..eventually I found out he got another girl pregnant, while we were supposed to be "working on things". So, this broke my heart even more. This happened over a year ago. So I am over the extreme sadness. But it still stings when I think about it. Since then, I haven't even thought about even going on a date. I can't imagine getting close to someone again, just to get hurt again.  So I have literally spent the past year all to myself. No friends, nothing. Well...except my heroin.   Anytime I am sad, heroin makes me feel better. It is terrible. I guess I will always have this problem.