90 days

So, it has been 90 days for me. And it has NOT been easy. I have pretty much just stayed to myself the whole time...a little bit of time was spent with my sister. I pretty much just haven't had a life. But how is it possible to have a life when you are pretty much helpless..no car, no job, no friends....and not worthy of anyones time?

I do have SOME kinda good news. I have an interview tomorrow. I really, REALLY hope it turns out well. You have no idea. But...with my criminal record..I don't think it will. I also have to check in with my probation officer tomorrow. At least I have the interview news to tell him. I am sure I will have to take a drug test. This will be the first time I won't be worried about failing it.

I have been having a lot of thoughts about what all has happened these last few years. Some of it I can't believe. A lot of it is remembering just how incredibly sad and alone I felt. And abandoned, lost.. I had pretty much given up. I didn't care. I didn't want to be here. The high was all that I DID care about, and it was the only thing that did make me happy. Funny, since it really made everything so much worse.

These past several months, I have felt so lost, so stuck in a rut, with no way out in sight. But I think things will get better. They have to. A job is the first step. I so hope I get one soon.

I hope everyone is doing well...  

:-)