So, I forgot to mention..the other day, my probation officer stopped by just to meet me. He saw my stepdads patrol car, (he is a cop). He was aksing about that, and asking about his guns. He said I am already violating my probatoin by being in a household with guns. He asked if I could possibly go stay in a shelter. NO! I can't! Hopefully we can work something out...
But just now, my parents said they want to talk to me. They were going on and on about all the money I have spent on drugs, and how I need to admit that I have a problem. I DO admit it!! I told them that! They were fussing at me because I plead guilty to the judge without an attorney. I couldn't afford an attorney! They were just really coming down on me. And saying how I need to open up to them. They were asking me what all drugs I have done. I told them I am uncomfortable telling them. They got mad and said I need to open up. I told them it is easier for me to open up to someone that isn't family. That also made them mad. Then they were going on and on about how they just want better for me and that I am better than this.
I just want to die.
This song really means a lot to me...especially now
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I'm really sorry how things are going for you. I am glad that you admit the issue, and I know for months you have known you have a problem because I read your posts about that months ago. I have to say that I'm sorry if I came off harshly to you on a fb message the other day...I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. I understand your not feeling comfortable not wanting to tell your parents the drugs you've done. Heck, my parents never knew exactly what I was taking and it wasn't until I was almost out of rehab that I finally admitted it to my mom that it was heroin. Anyway I'll be checking up on you. It seems like things are getting really out of hand for you. Why couldn't you get a public attorney? This is the perfect time to stay stopped.
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ReplyDeleteThis is all so familiar to me. For the longest time, my husband and I would grill our son about his drug use-which drugs he was using, how he was taking them, etc. I wish I could tell you why parents of addicts feel we need the details but I don't even know myself. What I do know is that every bit of your parents anger and upset comes from a place of fear and love. I hope one day you will love yourself enough to get the help you need.
Praying for you always....
Summer