Not feeling too hot right now. I haven't had anything today. I guess I will take some suboxone and a couple sleeping pills in a second.
So..I am not a religious person, AT ALL. But a little while back, in the midst of my addiction...before anyone REALLY knew much about it, my family kept asking me to go to church with them. I would go every now and then..just to get them off my back. Well..after I went a few times...this lady that always sat behind us, she came up to me and handed me a gift bag. I opened it and it was a bible, a journal, and some candy. She gave me a big hug and said..."I just want you to know that I love you, and Jesus loves you, and everything will be ok..." It was really weird...but really sort of touching. Because, honestly, I do feel like noone cares..REALLY cares. So that was nice....but I just found out today, that she just passed away yesterday. :( And it made me kind of sad. I didn't know her very well. But I thought it was so nice and sweet of her to do that, and I will always remember that, and her.
I stopped going to church with them for a while....then after a couple months I went with them again. Before church started, the preacher came up to me and said," I am so glad to see you. I have been so worried about you...I wish I could just wrap you up and make everything ok, but I can't do that. Please keep coming." It was just too weird. It touched me...but it was weird. I don't know what to think.
Anyway. Sometimes I just sit and think about life. I am 28 years old. I am lonely, and sad. But I don't allow people to get close to me. At the rate I am going, I will stay alone forever. My heart is still broken from my last relationship. I was at work yesterday, and a song came on the radio. Now with me....songs bring me back in time to where I was when I really liked it, or when I listened to it a lot...and it brings back the feelings I had at that time. Well..I heard a song that I listened to a lot when my ex decided to leave and move out. I just got lost in the song...and the feelings...and my eyes started tearing up. Music has such a strong affect to me.
Anyway....I am glad it is the evening. I like night time....it means this day is almost over. That is sad, huh?
Doesn't injecting suboxone send you straight into withdrawals? Years ago the equivalent was subutex which could be easily misused for a "high"(ie snorted/injected) then "they" added naltraxone (an opiate antagonist)to them and called them "Suboxone" . . . If taken sublingually (as directed) the naltraxone is not absorbed . . . If injected it is absorbed, which would mean that if you had taken any opiate based drug in the previous 12/24 hrs . . . it sends you straight into withdrawals. Have you noticed this?
ReplyDeleteI have read some of your posts and it seems you're injecting suboxone within hours of using (the next morning) does it not make you ill?
I understand you can't always get gear and I know it's not easy . . . Boy do I!
I wish I had some answers, I don't. I'm still here at almost 50 struggling with the bastard . . . proper struggling.
I personally only know two people who have broke free of this addiction; one at N/A and my brother who "got God". I honestly don't know what it takes. Somedays I can do it, even with money and dealers texting me (like now) and other days I just can't, It is a fucka.
I hope you find the strength from somewhere to kick this arsehole in the teeth Michelle, cus it will consume your life. Everything has to revolve around this addiction when it's full on. Everyfuckingthing.
But you know that, I really hope you break free . . . Take care x
Hey! About a year ago..I took suboxone for the first time But then, I didn't know about it sending you into withdrawals...I had just done some heroin. And then was curious about how the suboxone would feel. BIG MISTAKE. I felt absolutely horrible. For the whole day. But now, I have it figured out. Yes, it will send you into withdrawals, but only if other opiates are in your system. Recently, when I got these suboxones, I went about 20 hours without anything before I injected the suboxone. That was long enough to get all the opiates out of my system. I have only been doing a small amount of suboxone at a time...so luckily, when I do decide to get high, I can feel it. And I usually get high in the evening around 6 pm....and then the next day if I decide to use the suboxone, it is about 7 am...which gives me about 13 hours to get rid of the opiates in my system. And for me, that is long enough, I never have a problem with it. I guess you figure your body out after a while. But when I was first using suboxone....I did take it too early a few times. Terrible feeling.
ReplyDeleteYea...this addiction this is tough. I was reading through your blog yesterday and enjoyed it. I wish you luck with everything!! Maybe we can figure this thing out soon enough!