I am feeling pretty happy and positive right now, which is odd. I am not fretting over when I can get heroin. It has consumed so much of my mind, that when I go a short while without thinking about it, I can't believe it. A break will be good for me anyway....and my veins seriously need time to heal.
Anyway..there is no point to this...just feeling happy.......
Hi Michele
ReplyDeleteIt's good to read you're feeling positive ! Recently when I've been reading your blog I've had an awfull feeling that something bad was gonna happen. I know how difficult it can be when your habit is full blown & your life just seems to be going nowhere, it's just too easy to stick your head in the sand & carry on useing. I'm sure you know in your heart that the future is worse than grim if you carry on the way you have been. You are young & attractive & have every chance of a wonderfull life !
I'm also sure that you have realised how tough it is to get clean all on your own. There are loads of support networks around, I know they can seem a bit daunting or even scary at times but it can be really helpfull talking things through with people that are or have been going through the same thing.
Instead of spending $120 on gear why not spend it on suboxone ? That way, you know you aren't gonna get sick & you don't have to worry about running out. All you have to do is work out a reduction programe, I've reduced down to nothing on buprenorphine a few times, I'm not saying it's easy but it is pretty much painless.
Take care Michele X
Ps. Stick the subs under your tongue, I promise they work just as well if not better, they just take a little longer to get into your system.
not a soul knows about my heroin addiction. i dont think meetings do it for me honestly. i do like them because i can relate to others but i think meetings are another crutch. dont you think? i did have a therapist and i just lied to her and said everything was fine, i was sober, etc..so whats the point if i lie? honestly, i run away from any support. i only wanna talk to those who understand,other addicts. therapists dont understand unless they were in an addiction. but i am glad you realize things will keep going downhill if you stay. i realized that months ago and i still wasn't able to stop. i dont know what clicked this time, last week, but so far i haven't touched h, just suboxone, in a week. well email me. i honestly really think talking to each other would help. especially since you don't have a car. i get suboxones from the streets too and it's fine. i got methadone off the street too. i have to. id never admit to my parents that i use heroin so i will never get true help for this. just help off the streets and dealers. i think im saving my parents by not telling them. they could hardly handle my drinking and pill history. they'd die if they knew about heroin....
ReplyDeletehey... i think that is why i started this blog...because like you, noone really knows about my addiction..except for some of my family that just recently found out. but they dont understand it at all. so i started this blog in hopes to find other people that i can relate to. but yea..i see what you mean about whats the point of a therapist if you dont tell the truth about everything. I dont like talking about this to anyone at all unless they are also an addict. People judge and just dont understand, even if they think they do.
ReplyDeletedo you think your parents have any idea at all that you use heroin? what do you think they would do, how would they react? my world almost stopped when mine found out. that wa the one thing i never wanted to happen...for them to find out.