Here we go again....

Ok, Let me try to write this while I still can/. Not too much has been going on with me....still on the heroin.  Honestly, for most of the day, and yesterday,  I have had this strange, nervoud feeling in my stomach. But  I will get  into that in a second.

I am listening to Adele's CD right now. I absolutely love it. Bit it is reminding me a lot of when my ex and I were splitting up, and everything that was going on in my life at that time. Music is powerful, I love how it can do that. At least for me it does.

I am having a hard time writing this. My mind is completely blank, seriouly. Ok. I had to pause the music. It takes me to a whole different world. haha

Anyway. I have been working lately, and then buying dope with the cash everyeday. And then I come up with some lame ass lie about why I didn;t make any money that day to tell my mom. I am running out of lies. And I have been doing some shady things at work with the register to get a tad extra cash. It is stupid of me, I really need to stop doing that! I am not REALLY this type of person, it is terrible.
 So tonight, I realized  I didn't have enough money to get enough heroin for the next couple of days(as much as i'd like) because I am off tomorrow and wont be making money.. So my options were to get as much as I can, and MAKE it last by doing very small amounts...or get a suboxone and as much heroin as I can...do all the heroin  at once tonight....and then start using my suboxone tomorrow and try taking a break from this shit, So that is what I decided. I got my suboxone and as much heroin as I could. And I did it all in a shot almost an hour ago.  :) When I did it, I got that feeling that I used to ALWAYS get when I first started. The feeling where my hands and feet tingle, and feel prickly..almost to the point where it is painful...and really itchy, haha, I love it. Then I nodded, not sure how long. But I had all sorts of noddy dreams. I love the nod dreams...it feels SO REAAL. It is so weird. And I start talking to myself out lousd, as if people are really here, It is strange. TRhen I woke up...alll confused and trying to get myself sorted abd realize what is going on. And now I am surfin the web, Or trying to. I am having to keep one eye closed while I type. My vision is all blurry.

But yes, there is one good thing to all this. It is that tomorrow, I am starting fresh. I am quitting heroin, at least for a little while. And I really want to..again, at least for a little while. I have too many things that I realy need to take care of, and I keep pushing that all to the back of my head more and more, as I keep using herpoin.I need to stop doing all this bad stuff, and telling lies. I need to be the good person that I truly amn.

I don't know if anyone really reads this stuff. I guess I do it because I think it is good for me, to have a journal to write all this crap, especially since I keep everything to myself  and bottled up. It feels good to get it out and "talk" about it in some type of way. BUT, if anyone foes read it, aI an sorry about spelling and typing errors. Its taking too much effort to try and reread and fix everything at the moment!